Monthly Archives: November 2016

First Party of Christmas!

It’s finally that time of year! Time to roll out the wrapping paper, put up the tree, and decorate way too many cookies. To kick on the season right, the Pediatric Interest Group at American University of the Caribbean School of Medicine put on a fantastic Christmas party for some of the kids in our area.

red noses

One of the groups that was invited to the party was Player Development Program, which is the baseball program that I volunteer with. Today, the team had a Little League game before the party,. The dugout was buzzing with happiness during the whole game! The kids were in high spirits as they anticipated the party, and they played with such gusto that they ended up winning nine to seven.
playing games

After the game, we all piled into cars and vans and got ready for the fun ahead. When we arrived, students and their spouses welcomed us with treats and games and loads of fun. The Pediatric Interest Group obviously put a lot into the day, and there was so much to do! The kids sat down for a yummy lunch from Jules and then dug into the pie, cookies, candy, and homemade goodies that the students and spouses brought.

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When the sugaring up was finished, and when all the kids had received their shiny red Rudolph noses, it was time for crafts and games! Glitter, glitter everywhere. I’m pretty sure we’re all going to leave sparkling footprints behind us for the rest of the week. Too bad fairy dust doesn’t really make you fly. I’m going to think some happy thoughts just in case, though, because you never know.

crafts

There were coloring pages and paper crafts and games galore, but the one I thought was the most fun was the paper snowflake station. I taught the kids how to fold and cut snowflakes. I’m not sure they understood the connection between snowflakes and Christmas (or even snowflakes at all), but they absolutely loved the lacy paper and creativity. We ended up with snowflakes, boats, and paper shapes of all kinds.

paper snowflakes

The kids even got gifts! Jackie, a spouse at the school, and her kids made incredibly adorable presents. The girls got crowns and wands, and the boys got superhero masks and arm bands. Needless to say, they were beyond thrilled!

superhero masks

Just as the glitter glue and paper shreds  threatened to become a magical snowstorm, the party’s hosts took the kids outside to play and run off all the sugar. I helped clean up and waved goodbye to the kids. Thanks, Pediatric Group! We had a wonderful afternoon.

Plantains, Love Languages, and Cross-Cultural Mentoring

Here’s something you never thought you’d hear an American say: I do not actually know that much. It’s no secret that we Americans in the international realm don’t have the greatest reputation for admitting when we need advice or help. Instead, we’re always like, hey, let me come fix your government, your way of life, and your opinions. Don’t worry world, America’s got this.

So how does American arrogance connect to plantains? Read on.

In college, I took several missions classes that taught me a lot about what it looks like to live overseas in a service capacity. A lot of Americans in my generation have sort of a Superman complex when it comes to expat life– we went on a mission trip with our youth group, built an orphanage, and were inspired to go save the world. There is certainly an element of wonderful altruism to this attitude, but it’s missing something: humility.

The most practical class I took in undergrad was called Missions: Aspects and Relationships. The best thing I learned from this class is that in a cross-cultural situation, you shouldn’t come in armed with all the answers. You come in as a learner, asking questions and building trust. You want to convince someone in a African bush that Western remedies can save their kids from malaria? Cool. Start with hanging with them and finding out their way of life, their challenges, and their own solutions. Once they know that you care about who they are culturally and personally, once they see that you respect them, then they are more than willing to listen to what you have to say. Because who wants to take instruction from a random outsider who disrespects you? Plus, you’ll probably end up learning some pretty cool things from people in the process. On a less exotic, more ordinary mentoring level, just finding out about a person and respecting their skills is imperative before you can start offering free advice.

Ok, we’re getting to the plantain part soon, I promise.

plantain slices

Living on the island of Saint Martin, I haven’t really been in the position of doing developmental work or helping with anything like that, other than general things like tutoring kids in reading. Still, I’ve found the “come as a learner” principle to be super helpful even in everyday expat sorts of situations. Like if I’m going to teach a kid from the Dominican Republic how to speak English, I’m going to ask him how to teach me Spanish at the same time. I’ve found the role-reversal to be a helpful confidence booster when it comes to language skills.

So here come the plantains.

R, a teen who we mentor, spends a lot of time at our house, so naturally I do everything I can to make him comfortable and at home. My mom is really good at making people comfortable, and the way she does it is by offering a place to relax while she makes iced tea, cooks a dinner everyone likes, and serves in whatever capacity she can think of. People really appreciate it. Naturally, this is what I try to do, too. I pour glasses of water, I make the dinner, I clean up, I offer dessert (if I remembered to go shopping and get it), I do R’s laundry, even if it’s only a t-shirt, just to offer whatever love and care I can.

Now, if you’ve read the The Five Love Languages book, you’ll be familiar with the idea that everyone is inclined to love in one or two ways of the following: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and gifts. To really communicate love, it’s good to show you care on the other person’s terms, and not just your own.

My love language is acts of service. That’s how I communicate love. The more weeks that went by, the more I realized that R’s love language is not acts of service. I could tell he felt a little funny about chilling while I banged around in the kitchen. I thought maybe I’d try offering to teach him to cook, but it turns out he already knows how to do that. This is when I remembered the principle of being a learner.

This is the part about the plantains.

Cooking

I found out that R knows how to cook plantains and fried chicken, and I do not. Rather than be the grown-up who knows everything and takes care of everybody, it was time for me to put on my learning hat and ask for help. And do you know what? It worked out well.

I stopped at the roadside fruit vendor on my way home the next day and picked up some plantains. A few hours later, we had a fabulous dinner that everyone had contributed to. Matt, Ben, and R brought home the fish they caught. I prepared the fish and veggies, and Ben created an African fish sauce. Ray taught me how to cook plantains and made rice. Tati helped clean up made us feel like we had some seriously mad cooking skills. Everybody was happy, and we had a lot of fun in the process.

I learned a few things from making dinner with R: First, I learned how to fry plantains, which is awesome because I only knew how to make plantain chips before, and they’re totally not the same thing. I also learned that in our case, an invitation to help out (quality time) and a “Good job, this tastes great!” (words of affirmation) can be more valuable than acts of service. Finally, I learned that mentoring is not just about giving of myself in the role of an authority figure. It’s also about being willing to step into the role of a learner and show that my mentee’s skills and knowledge are valuable. The process of building a mentoring relationship is a journey, and one that is full of wonderful surprises.

dinner

By the way, are you as clueless about plantains as I was? Stay tuned for a recipe post on how to make Caribbean-style plantains and Tanzanian-style fish! Subscribe or like the 3rd Culture Wife Facebook page so that you don’t miss it.

 

Saint Martin’s Day at the Airport

Saint Martin’s Day is the biggest day on the Island– aside from Carnival, of course! Princess Juliana Airport, which is in our neck of the woods, holds a family fun day to celebrate the holiday. R and his friends were planning to go, so Ben and I loaded up the little guy we were babysitting into the car and headed to the airport.

motorcycles

The air was full of festivity! Dozens of bikers in matching t-shirts zipped by, honking at us happily. Behind them, young biker-wannabees showed off their wheelie abilities on bicycles. The air was filled with the sounds of Caribbean music, and the scent of local flavors began to creep past our noses.

spongebob

Give a kid a balloon sword, and he’ll whack Minnie Mouse in the face with it. Guaranteed. What else do you expect him to do with it? Hold it gingerly and avoid smacking other people? Of course not! I’m the grown-up, so naturally, I had to ask him to do the impossible.

Balloon sword

However, when a king gives you the sword, you must wield it with honor to protect the kingdom.

balloon man

Even though the sword was pretty rad, the little guy was more enthralled with the bouncy house than anything else. There were two of them, so he ran from one to other for about two hours.

bouncy house

I could barely drag him away to watch the dancing and the singing of the Saint Martin National Anthem! The girl who sang the song was pretty awesome. We definitely enjoyed it, and even the little guy’s attention was captured. He sang along with his own version of the song: “O I love my paradise, nature beauty very nice.”

steel pans

The dancing was less interesting to him, but I was not about to miss it! There were a few different teams that performed, all of them decked out in patriotic colors.

The petting zoo was lots of fun! We got to feed the animals. The little guy loved the bunnies, but he said the pig was yucky.

pig

petting zoo

Between the animals, living statues, balloons, crowds of screaming children, and bouncy houses, the little guy was pretty pooped after three hours. I took him home.

living statue

Meanwhile, Ben hung out for a few more hours with R and his friends and the volunteer crew from K1 Britannia Foundation. They had a great time playing card games and munching on pizza and cake. I’m not going to lie, I was kinda jealous about the cake.

games

I’m sure going to miss Saint Martin’s Day next year! The parade in Philipsburg last year was super fun, and so was this year’s event at Princess Juliana Airport. Maybe next year, when we’re back in the United States, I’ll have to track down some island food and play the national anthem a few times.

sxm-day
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O Sweet Saint Martin’s Land

Where over the world, say where,
You find an island there

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So lovely small with nations free

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With people French and Dutch

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Though talking English much,
As thee Saint Martin in the sea ?

Caribbean Carnival Woman Red feather
O sweet Saint Martin’s Land

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So bright by beach and strand

With sailors on the sea and harbors free

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Where the chains of mountains green
Variously in sunlight sheen

Oh I love thy Paradise,
Nature beauty fairly nice.

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Oh I love thy Paradise,
Nature beauty fairly nice.

yellow butterfly
How pretty between all green
Flamboyants beaming gleam

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Photo credit: April Jaye

Of flowers red by sunlight set

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Thy cows and sheep and goats
In meadows or on the roads

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Thy donkeys keen I can’t forget

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O sweet Saint Martin’s Land

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So bright by beach and strand

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With sailors on the sea and harbors free

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Where the chains of mountains green
Variously in sunlight sheen

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Oh I love thy Paradise,
Nature beauty fairly nice. img_4731

Oh I love thy Paradise,
Nature beauty fairly nice.

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Saint Martin I like thy name

In which Columbus fame
And memories of old are closed

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For me a great delight
Thy Southern Cross the night

May God the Lord protect thy coast!

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O sweet Saint Martin’s Land
So bright by beach and strand

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With sailors on the sea and harbors free

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Where the chains of mountains green
Variously in sunlight sheen

Oh I love thy Paradise,
Nature beauty fairly nice.

rainbow

Oh I love thy Paradise,
Nature beauty fairly nice.

In 1958, “O Sweet Saint Martin’s Land” was composed by Father Kemps to celebrate the island of Saint Martin. Today, it is the anthem of both sides of the island. The song reflects the natural captivating beauty of the island and the spirit that lives on in the hearts of its inhabits through the years. Join us as we celebrate Saint Martin’s Day on November 11! To hear the song, click here.

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Flat Tires, Mud, and Mentoring

Well, it finally happened. I had to change a tire without my husband there. In fact, not only did I have to conjure up the memory of how to change a tire, but I had left my American phone at home, my island phone was dead, and I had two teenagers in the car. Also, I was stupid enough to park in the mud on a slight slope, which made the whole thing more difficult. And you know what? It wasn’t actually so bad. In fact, in ended up being a good thing, in a way.

Image result for changing a tire

Of course, no teenage boy who has been promised a beach excursion wants to sit in the mud and change a tire. But the kids I had had a pretty good attitude, and I was a darn good thing they were there, especially R, who never complained once and worked really hard for an hour. Together, we managed to jack up the car, get the blown tire off, not get our feet smashed when the car slid in the mud and fell off the jack, jack it back up, and put on the mock.
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As soon as that tire blew out, I knew I had two choices: get really stressed out and frustrated, or play it cool and have a good attitude. To be honest, if I was alone I probably would have thrown a great big hissy fit and cried a little. But with two teens in the car, I didn’t have that option. If I could keep my wits about me, it would be the perfect opportunity to model how one ought to handle a crisis. I decided to stay very calm and not freak out. By the grace of God, I was able to do just that.

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We were quite a ways away from any buildings, so I just pulled off in a dirt patch and we got out to survey the damage. Yup, the tire was flat, and we were not going to make it any further than where we were. In hindsight, I should have made sure we were on level ground, but I was focused on staying level-headed. “Well,” I told the boys, “You two are going to learn how to change a tire.” And I silently thanked my dad for showing me how to do it way back when I was their age, because otherwise we would have been in big trouble.

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I unloaded the massive amount of random stuff out of the trunk (you know, coffee pots, sheets, and spoons, the usual) and located the spare. After some hunting, I found the jack Ben bought and an assortment of tools. It took us what felt like seven years to get the car up, and I honestly wondered if we were actually going to do it. Even so, the whole time, we stayed pretty chill. Maybe it was a little overkill when I suggested we think up positive things about our situation (R looked at me like I had lost my mind), but better positive than negative, I guess. I’ve been in worse situations– Ben and I once changed a tire in the rain using a jack, a broken antenna, and an old fork, only to discover than the spare was also flat. We survived that, so we could totally survive this. Sure enough, couple hours later, we were back in Philipsburg with a new rim from the tire shop and a pumped-up tire. And R was armed with his newly-acquired knowledge of how to change a tire.

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I learned a few things from this situation. First, it’s super nice to have a helpful teenage boy around who is strong enough to raise the front end of a car. Secondly, I’m more capable of taking care of myself that I thought. Third, I need to be vigilant about how I handle things these days, since a bunch of kids and teens are watching me.

Finally, I learned that being a mentor isn’t just about fun outings and giving advice. It’s also about walking through everyday life with someone, in the good times and the bad, and showing them how to deal with life’s storms. I think that maybe the flat tires of life are the most powerful mentoring moments.

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What has been your most powerful mentoring moment? Comment below to tell me about it.