Category Archives: Spouses Organization

Plantains, Love Languages, and Cross-Cultural Mentoring

Here’s something you never thought you’d hear an American say: I do not actually know that much. It’s no secret that we Americans in the international realm don’t have the greatest reputation for admitting when we need advice or help. Instead, we’re always like, hey, let me come fix your government, your way of life, and your opinions. Don’t worry world, America’s got this.

So how does American arrogance connect to plantains? Read on.

In college, I took several missions classes that taught me a lot about what it looks like to live overseas in a service capacity. A lot of Americans in my generation have sort of a Superman complex when it comes to expat life– we went on a mission trip with our youth group, built an orphanage, and were inspired to go save the world. There is certainly an element of wonderful altruism to this attitude, but it’s missing something: humility.

The most practical class I took in undergrad was called Missions: Aspects and Relationships. The best thing I learned from this class is that in a cross-cultural situation, you shouldn’t come in armed with all the answers. You come in as a learner, asking questions and building trust. You want to convince someone in a African bush that Western remedies can save their kids from malaria? Cool. Start with hanging with them and finding out their way of life, their challenges, and their own solutions. Once they know that you care about who they are culturally and personally, once they see that you respect them, then they are more than willing to listen to what you have to say. Because who wants to take instruction from a random outsider who disrespects you? Plus, you’ll probably end up learning some pretty cool things from people in the process. On a less exotic, more ordinary mentoring level, just finding out about a person and respecting their skills is imperative before you can start offering free advice.

Ok, we’re getting to the plantain part soon, I promise.

plantain slices

Living on the island of Saint Martin, I haven’t really been in the position of doing developmental work or helping with anything like that, other than general things like tutoring kids in reading. Still, I’ve found the “come as a learner” principle to be super helpful even in everyday expat sorts of situations. Like if I’m going to teach a kid from the Dominican Republic how to speak English, I’m going to ask him how to teach me Spanish at the same time. I’ve found the role-reversal to be a helpful confidence booster when it comes to language skills.

So here come the plantains.

R, a teen who we mentor, spends a lot of time at our house, so naturally I do everything I can to make him comfortable and at home. My mom is really good at making people comfortable, and the way she does it is by offering a place to relax while she makes iced tea, cooks a dinner everyone likes, and serves in whatever capacity she can think of. People really appreciate it. Naturally, this is what I try to do, too. I pour glasses of water, I make the dinner, I clean up, I offer dessert (if I remembered to go shopping and get it), I do R’s laundry, even if it’s only a t-shirt, just to offer whatever love and care I can.

Now, if you’ve read the The Five Love Languages book, you’ll be familiar with the idea that everyone is inclined to love in one or two ways of the following: words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time, and gifts. To really communicate love, it’s good to show you care on the other person’s terms, and not just your own.

My love language is acts of service. That’s how I communicate love. The more weeks that went by, the more I realized that R’s love language is not acts of service. I could tell he felt a little funny about chilling while I banged around in the kitchen. I thought maybe I’d try offering to teach him to cook, but it turns out he already knows how to do that. This is when I remembered the principle of being a learner.

This is the part about the plantains.

Cooking

I found out that R knows how to cook plantains and fried chicken, and I do not. Rather than be the grown-up who knows everything and takes care of everybody, it was time for me to put on my learning hat and ask for help. And do you know what? It worked out well.

I stopped at the roadside fruit vendor on my way home the next day and picked up some plantains. A few hours later, we had a fabulous dinner that everyone had contributed to. Matt, Ben, and R brought home the fish they caught. I prepared the fish and veggies, and Ben created an African fish sauce. Ray taught me how to cook plantains and made rice. Tati helped clean up made us feel like we had some seriously mad cooking skills. Everybody was happy, and we had a lot of fun in the process.

I learned a few things from making dinner with R: First, I learned how to fry plantains, which is awesome because I only knew how to make plantain chips before, and they’re totally not the same thing. I also learned that in our case, an invitation to help out (quality time) and a “Good job, this tastes great!” (words of affirmation) can be more valuable than acts of service. Finally, I learned that mentoring is not just about giving of myself in the role of an authority figure. It’s also about being willing to step into the role of a learner and show that my mentee’s skills and knowledge are valuable. The process of building a mentoring relationship is a journey, and one that is full of wonderful surprises.

dinner

By the way, are you as clueless about plantains as I was? Stay tuned for a recipe post on how to make Caribbean-style plantains and Tanzanian-style fish! Subscribe or like the 3rd Culture Wife Facebook page so that you don’t miss it.

 

Saint Martin’s Day at the Airport

Saint Martin’s Day is the biggest day on the Island– aside from Carnival, of course! Princess Juliana Airport, which is in our neck of the woods, holds a family fun day to celebrate the holiday. R and his friends were planning to go, so Ben and I loaded up the little guy we were babysitting into the car and headed to the airport.

motorcycles

The air was full of festivity! Dozens of bikers in matching t-shirts zipped by, honking at us happily. Behind them, young biker-wannabees showed off their wheelie abilities on bicycles. The air was filled with the sounds of Caribbean music, and the scent of local flavors began to creep past our noses.

spongebob

Give a kid a balloon sword, and he’ll whack Minnie Mouse in the face with it. Guaranteed. What else do you expect him to do with it? Hold it gingerly and avoid smacking other people? Of course not! I’m the grown-up, so naturally, I had to ask him to do the impossible.

Balloon sword

However, when a king gives you the sword, you must wield it with honor to protect the kingdom.

balloon man

Even though the sword was pretty rad, the little guy was more enthralled with the bouncy house than anything else. There were two of them, so he ran from one to other for about two hours.

bouncy house

I could barely drag him away to watch the dancing and the singing of the Saint Martin National Anthem! The girl who sang the song was pretty awesome. We definitely enjoyed it, and even the little guy’s attention was captured. He sang along with his own version of the song: “O I love my paradise, nature beauty very nice.”

steel pans

The dancing was less interesting to him, but I was not about to miss it! There were a few different teams that performed, all of them decked out in patriotic colors.

The petting zoo was lots of fun! We got to feed the animals. The little guy loved the bunnies, but he said the pig was yucky.

pig

petting zoo

Between the animals, living statues, balloons, crowds of screaming children, and bouncy houses, the little guy was pretty pooped after three hours. I took him home.

living statue

Meanwhile, Ben hung out for a few more hours with R and his friends and the volunteer crew from K1 Britannia Foundation. They had a great time playing card games and munching on pizza and cake. I’m not going to lie, I was kinda jealous about the cake.

games

I’m sure going to miss Saint Martin’s Day next year! The parade in Philipsburg last year was super fun, and so was this year’s event at Princess Juliana Airport. Maybe next year, when we’re back in the United States, I’ll have to track down some island food and play the national anthem a few times.

sxm-day
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Flat Tires, Mud, and Mentoring

Well, it finally happened. I had to change a tire without my husband there. In fact, not only did I have to conjure up the memory of how to change a tire, but I had left my American phone at home, my island phone was dead, and I had two teenagers in the car. Also, I was stupid enough to park in the mud on a slight slope, which made the whole thing more difficult. And you know what? It wasn’t actually so bad. In fact, in ended up being a good thing, in a way.

Image result for changing a tire

Of course, no teenage boy who has been promised a beach excursion wants to sit in the mud and change a tire. But the kids I had had a pretty good attitude, and I was a darn good thing they were there, especially R, who never complained once and worked really hard for an hour. Together, we managed to jack up the car, get the blown tire off, not get our feet smashed when the car slid in the mud and fell off the jack, jack it back up, and put on the mock.
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As soon as that tire blew out, I knew I had two choices: get really stressed out and frustrated, or play it cool and have a good attitude. To be honest, if I was alone I probably would have thrown a great big hissy fit and cried a little. But with two teens in the car, I didn’t have that option. If I could keep my wits about me, it would be the perfect opportunity to model how one ought to handle a crisis. I decided to stay very calm and not freak out. By the grace of God, I was able to do just that.

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We were quite a ways away from any buildings, so I just pulled off in a dirt patch and we got out to survey the damage. Yup, the tire was flat, and we were not going to make it any further than where we were. In hindsight, I should have made sure we were on level ground, but I was focused on staying level-headed. “Well,” I told the boys, “You two are going to learn how to change a tire.” And I silently thanked my dad for showing me how to do it way back when I was their age, because otherwise we would have been in big trouble.

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I unloaded the massive amount of random stuff out of the trunk (you know, coffee pots, sheets, and spoons, the usual) and located the spare. After some hunting, I found the jack Ben bought and an assortment of tools. It took us what felt like seven years to get the car up, and I honestly wondered if we were actually going to do it. Even so, the whole time, we stayed pretty chill. Maybe it was a little overkill when I suggested we think up positive things about our situation (R looked at me like I had lost my mind), but better positive than negative, I guess. I’ve been in worse situations– Ben and I once changed a tire in the rain using a jack, a broken antenna, and an old fork, only to discover than the spare was also flat. We survived that, so we could totally survive this. Sure enough, couple hours later, we were back in Philipsburg with a new rim from the tire shop and a pumped-up tire. And R was armed with his newly-acquired knowledge of how to change a tire.

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I learned a few things from this situation. First, it’s super nice to have a helpful teenage boy around who is strong enough to raise the front end of a car. Secondly, I’m more capable of taking care of myself that I thought. Third, I need to be vigilant about how I handle things these days, since a bunch of kids and teens are watching me.

Finally, I learned that being a mentor isn’t just about fun outings and giving advice. It’s also about walking through everyday life with someone, in the good times and the bad, and showing them how to deal with life’s storms. I think that maybe the flat tires of life are the most powerful mentoring moments.

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What has been your most powerful mentoring moment? Comment below to tell me about it.

 

Parrot Ville Bird Park in Sint Maarten

Sint Maarten’s Parotte Ville Bird Park is one of those secret gems tucked away in the island’s interior. You won’t find a website for Parotte Ville, but word of mouth travels fast enough to keep the visitors coming in. I’d been dying to go for months, but I wanted to take some kids with me. After all, kids make everything more fun. I used fall break as an excuse to take this Brother and Sister to explore Parotte Ville. Come with us and discover the magic of tropical birds in paradise!

parrotville 1

Cost: $5 for kids and $10 for adults

Directions: From Philipsburg, drive north into the Belvedare region, like you’re headed to Orient Bay Beach. The bird park is on Bishop Hill Road.

Experience: 

Bird Enclosure

Note to self: Parotte Ville is closed on Mondays. We ended up visiting the zoo on Monday instead, and made Wednesday our Parotte  Ville day. As soon as we stepped in the gate, we were greeted by George, who gave us an awesome tour of the park. He began by introducing us to each species and handing us cups of bird seed.

birds at parrotville

I was glad to get some into on the birds before heading in. The kids patiently listened, but they had already caught a glimpse of the birds and were about ready to jump out of their skin with anticipation! The birds seemed pretty excited, too, and peered at us expectantly through the wire mesh of the door.

Interior of Parrot Ville

Once we were in, it didn’t take long before the birds began to gather on our seed cups. George introduced us to Alex, a ringnecked parrot. He’s one of the birds with the most personality, and he even comes when called. Sister spent most of her time at the park hunting for Alex.

Alex at Parrote Ville

Besides Alex, there are plenty of other birds to see! These colorful conures were my favorite. They were the most friendly, and were perfectly content to sit on our cups and snack. As you can see, they are also pretty photogenic.

Conure

Brother is a perceptive kid, and he wanted to check out all the different types of birds in the park. To his disappointment, not all of them wanted a bite of his bird seed. He decided they were still cool to look at, though. We both were awed by how beautiful the birds look when they fly. At one point, nearly every bird in the enclosure took flight as if on cue and soared clockwise around the park. It was stunning to see the parrots fly through the air. They fly so differently than other birds– almost like dancers in the air. I could hardly believe that I wasn’t standing in the middle of an untouched Brazilian jungle. Brother asked me if I snapped a picture of that moment, but it wasn’t the picture taking kind of experience. It was the kind of experience that you just have to be present in and enjoy as completely as possible.

boy and birds

You don’t find stuff like this where I come from. It’s amazing to get to hold parrots and see these birds up close! It teaches kids to appreciate nature and to treat wildlife with respect.

Herb Garden 

I was interested in all the plants growing in the enclosure, so George showed me around. He grows a lot of herbs with healing properties, along with other vegetation. He plucked leaves from many of the herbs and let me smell them. Some I know and use, like lemongrass, but others were totally new to me.

White head bush

Museum and Playground

As if the bird enclosure wasn’t cool enough, Parotte Ville also features a great playground and a museum. Sint Maarten doesn’t have a lot of playgrounds, so finding one is a pretty huge event. Sister was excited to play, and Brother was fascinated with the museum. Eventually, Sister decided to see what all the fuss was about and found the museum pretty awesome, too.

heritage museum

George gave us a tour of the museum. It’s his private collection of Saint Martin history, which he gathered from his family heirlooms and household items. There is another heritage museum in Philipsburg, which I haven’t visited yet, but this one has a different twist. George told me that the Philipsburg one focuses heavily on indigenous Arawak history. “But who’s going to tell my family’s history?” he pointed out. “I have to start somewhere.” I’d say this is a pretty darn good start.

Heritage Museum SXM

The kids learned about such ancient artifacts as rotary dial phones and film cameras, and I enjoyed seeing the coal-heated irons and the pictures of local fruits that hang on the walls. Brother knew the uses of a lot of the items, which impressed George. Although he did think the washboard was a cheese grater. When we left, brother commented, “The past was good, and now is good… I think the future will be good.” I have to say that I, for one, am glad we live in an age with washing machines instead of washboards. But I do appreciate history and former ways of life, and I’m glad he does, too.

playground at Parrote Ville

Of course, we couldn’t leave without trying out the Flintstones car. By the end, the kids were happy but pretty pooped. We said good-bye to George, Alex, and the birds and headed to baseball practice. Later, Brother wrote a story about Parotte Ville.

bird-park

If you’re in Sint Maarten, make a point of spending a morning at Parotte Ville! There are tons of awesome things to do on the island, but this is one of my favorite. I’m already planning my next trip.

Parrot
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How You in SXM Can Help Haiti

Saint Martin, we missed Hurricane Matthew. We were lucky. Haiti was not. As part of the Caribbean community, it is not only our obligation but also our privilege to join as an island and help our Hatian brothers and sisters in their time of need. 

You can help! The Hatian Foundation on Saint Martin is organizing a drive to collect food and clothing to help victims of Hurricane Matthew. The collection is daily at the Marcus Building on Pondfill Road. 


We do not all have a lot to give, but remember how Jesus honored the widow who gave a mere two pennies to the needy. Out of her poverty, Jesus taught, she was willing to give to those less fortunate. We can give too, no matter how little we have to spare. Imagine if every person on Saint Martin gave one can. What an impact that would make!

Today, I delivered a few boxes of clothing to the drive. The boxes were a collection that was given by the Spouses Organization at American University of the Caribbean. It was quick and informal. I posted on our group page that I was willing to drive donations to Philipsburg, and the next day several people dropped off bags of clothing. Perhaps you can do an informal collection at your church, school, or work! 


I drove up to the Marcus Building, where I found a mountain of donations and team of volunteers, including the president of the Haitian Organization. Saint Martin, you have already been so generous! The team told me that they are waiting on a container so they can ship the goods to Haiti. 

They also asked that I request for you, my readers, to bring more food. They have a lot of clothing, but are in need of cans and other nonperishables. 


As I walked out of the donation center, the beautiful, friendly culture of Saint Marin enveloped me in an island-wide smile. I’m now sitting at Carl and Sons, among friendly faces, listening to the sound of a live steel drum band play cheerful Caribbean tunes. Thid island is a wonderful place. Here, there is hope and joy. Let’s send a little of that to Haiti. 

Happy Bay: The Happiest SXM Beach

Happy Bay in Saint Martin isn’t easy to find, but it’s worth it. If fact, you can hit two beaches and take a short hike all in one day when you go to Happy Bay! Once you arrive, it’s like paradise on earth.

friars bay

My friend Stacey, who sadly has moved back to the States at this point, told me once that she appreciated how consistently I share my photos of our adventures together. Looking back on our trip to Happy Bay, I realized that I never actually shared them, since I’m stingy with my photos until after I post a blog! So here’s the blog and the very late photos– sorry Stacey!

Why to go. Stacey and I went to Happy Bay with Andrea and Lala, two other spouses from American University of the Caribbean. We were all hoping to add another beach to our list of “been there” beaches. I’m hoping to hit all 37 SXM beaches before I move in April, and Happy Bay was number 21! Even if you’re not counting down beaches, Happy Bay’s a nice place to spend an afternoon. It’s perfect for sunbathing in the soft sand, far away from traffic and the distractions of commercialism.

Happy Bay

How to get there. To get to Happy Bay, you have to drive to Friar’s Bay. This beach is on the French side of the island on the western coast. If you drive north through Marigot, you’ll see signs to a turnoff on your left. After a short drive through a neighborhood (short provided the cows do not block the road), you’ll end up at the beach. Friar’s Bay is a nice family-friendly beach with calm water, which I’ll write about another day. You have to walk north on the beach, past all the great-smelling food places on the beach. You’ll find a little trail heading up the hill. If you can’t find it, the employees at the restaurants will be happy to point you in the right direction. Take the hike until the shaded path spills out into the sandy sunshine of Happy Bay.

Hiking view to Happy Bay
View of reef from the hiking trail

The hike is short, but beautiful. I want to say it’s somewhere between a quarter mile and half a mile. We managed in our slippers (flip-flops, for all you mainlanders), but close-toed shoes would have been nice. On the way, I spotted little rocky beaches with gorgeous live reef glistening beneath the surface of the clear water. I was pretty much drooling with anticipation of coming back to snorkel there someday. Still haven’t done it, but it’s on the island to-do list.

Happy Bay Beach

The beach is standard length for the island, but the sand goes back quite a ways. There’s no development to ruin the beach and surrounding forest, although there are a couple of abandoned houses that took Hurricane Louis pretty darn hard. Some of my friends have explored around them, although I have not. The water is nice, but not particularly good for snorkeling. There are a lot of boats and jet skis that use the bay and stir up the water. If you just like sunbathing, though, this is a good place to do it!

donkey
This donkey and his iguana buddy were just chilling near Friar’s Bay

Watch out for sea urchins in the rocks and men hiding in the bushes. No, not kidding. Unfortunately, we’ve often run into issues with creepy men in bushes at beaches here. We’ve never heard of them doing anything harmful, but they like to watch girls on the beach. It is very weird. In other words, I won’t be back to Happy Bay unless Ben comes with me.

As far as Saint Martin beaches go, I’ll give Happy Bay a 4 out of 5. It’s nice to look around and see nothing but nature (aside from the people and boats in the bay). It also has a spectacular view of Anguilla and feels just like what you imagined a Caribbean beach would be like. Definitely Istagram-worthy.

P.S. Why not pin this image on your Pinterest and add a little “happy” to your boards?

happy bay